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Post by Man in Black on Oct 5, 2006 22:44:27 GMT -5
It always amazes me how strong emotion writes the best poetry. Of course this is a great poem, the stark truth always is. This one hits close to home for me... I know all too well what it's like to go completely unoticed... until you mess up. I'm glad you are happier now  |
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Post by 4C-696E on Oct 6, 2006 13:40:26 GMT -5
I want to write something else about this time of my life, but the inspiration is not there. My mind is too occupied with Chronicles of Marna Veign and other things, I guess. I can't think poetry when it comes to writing anything new.
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Post by 4C-696E on Nov 13, 2007 12:53:11 GMT -5
Well, I've had a little bit of inspiration that started with a comment made by MIB. Right now, I don't have much, but I've got to get it down somewhere while it's still in my head, so I decided to put it here. "There is a flower within my heart" As states an old time song. I feel that we've had her for quite some time, It really has not been that long. Born to our family in summer time, Our sweet little Daisy Anne. She's helped my love expand evermore. More than alone I can. That's all I've got right now, which is more than I had when I sat down. Talk about a work in progress.  I'll eventually improve it and lengthen it, but for now, that's it. I don't really like the last 2 lines in the 2nd stanza, opinions and suggestions are welcome on how I can improve that part. It just doesn't flow for me. |
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Post by Man in Black on Nov 17, 2007 11:08:35 GMT -5
Cool, a community effort poem I like it... here try this... Born to our family in summer time,
Our sweet little Daisy Anne.
A warming ray of light to shine this bright
And help my love expand. |
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Post by 4C-696E on Nov 18, 2007 0:05:04 GMT -5
I like that.
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Post by 4C-696E on Nov 18, 2007 23:12:02 GMT -5
I've gotten suggestions from my husband a bit too. How about this:
"There is a flower within my heart"
As states an old time song.
I feel that we've had her for quite some time,
It really has not been that long.
Born to our family in summer time,
Our sweet little Daisy Anne.
A warming ray of light to shine
And help my love expand.
*note to me, work on something about the blessing day rainbow*
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Post by 4C-696E on Nov 24, 2007 11:03:05 GMT -5
Last night laying in bed, I was inspired and wrote the following part (in the dark, but I could still read it in the morning)
Presenting her before the church,
A special day that came.
Her father took her to the front,
And blessed and gave her name.
An explanation about that stanza, in my religion, when a baby is born, we give the child a name and a blessing. The blessing is normally along the lines that the kid will grow up a good one. It's a special day to us. The day that Daisy was blessed, there was a complete rainbow. I'd posted the picture of that rainbow in the 'what makes you happy' thread.
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I'll eventually improve it and lengthen it, but for now, that's it. I don't really like the last 2 lines in the 2nd stanza, opinions and suggestions are welcome on how I can improve that part. It just doesn't flow for me.